Description
Love is a massive
motivator and can lead people to perform all kinds of self- sacrificial acts.
Three styles of
love are (Sternberg):
- Intimacy: Closeness to, and liking
of, the other person.
- Passion: Intense longing and physiological
arousal. Ecstasy on reciprocation, despair
on rejection.
- Commitment: The readiness to do
anything for the sake of the love.
These combine to
create seven styles:
- Liking: Intimacy alone
- Infatuation: Passion alone
- Empty love: Commitment alone
- Romantic love: Passion + Intimacy.
- Companionate love: Intimacy + Commitment
- Fatuous love: Passion + Commitment
- Consummate love: Intimacy + Passion
+ Commitment
The games of love
are played on six different stages, and individuals will have preferred modes
(Lee):
- Eros: Passionate and physical. Looks
are important.
- Ludus: love as a non-serious game.
Harm is not intended but often happens.
- Storge: slow-growing, evolving out
of friendship and affection. Similarity is important.
- Pragma: Commonsense and pragmatic.
Known conditions must be met.
- Mania: An emotional roller-coaster.
Stereotyped romantic love.
- Agape: Unselfish and giving. Spiritual
and other-focused.
Example
Many romantic mismatches
occur when partners both state their love for one another, but each
is talking about a different style of love. Maybe you have experience of this?
So what?
Using it
If you want blind
followers, look good and build a passionate image. Otherwise find the history
of love of the other person and play to their needs.
Great sales people
know that the true secret is to love both their products and their customers.
They also know that true love binds, and devious trickery is out of the question.
Defending
If you dive into
love heart first, pause first and ask whether the other person is truly committed.
Beware of blind love. Love can be the best thing ever, but also know that love hurts, especially
when betrayed.
References
Hendrick and Hendrick
(1986, 1992), Lee (1973, 1988), Sternberg and Barnes (1988)
