'Emotional Intelligence'
is a neat metaphor that borrows from the notion of IQ. It implies that
some people are better at handling emotions than others. It also hints that you might be able to
increase your EQ. Practically, it offers a useful set of guidelines for doing just this.
Self-awareness
Being emotionally
self-aware means knowing how you feel in “real time.” Self- knowledge is
the first step in being able to handle emotions. If you can see them and name them, then you at
least then have a chance to do something about them.
Emotional literacy
Emotional literacy
means being able to label emotions precisely. This includes the emotions of
others and especially yourself. It also means being able to talk about emotions without getting
overly emotional or (as happens with many people) denying them.
Emotional literacy is not using ‘I feel...’ statements to offer opinions, ideas,
etc. Thus 'I feel that
is a good idea' is not emotional literacy, whist 'I feel angry' is.
Empathy &
compassion
Empathy is the
ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. If you can empathise, you
can engender trust, as people desperately want to be understood at the emotional level. All
great carers and nurturers major in empathy and compassion.
It also means appreciating
and accepting differences between people, accepting that we have
different priorities and capabilities around emotion.
Balance
The ability to
balance emotion and reason in making decisions leads to good decisions.
Emotion should not be abandoned, lest cold and callous decisions are made. Nor should logic
be abandoned unless you want a wishy-washy outcome.
Responsibility
Emotional Intelligence
means taking primary responsibility for your own emotions and
happiness. You cannot say that others “made” you feel the way you feel. Although they may
be
instrumental, the responsibility is yours, just as if you kill someone, there is no argument that
says that someone else made you do it.
So What
Emotions are one
of the main things that derails communications and persuasions. Once people
start getting upset at one another, rationalism goes out of the window. If you can identify and
control your own emotions you have good chance of winning any argument. If you can sense
the emotions of others, you have a chance to change them. And of course it all starts with
yourself and your own emotions...
Reference
Goleman, Daniel
(1996), Emotional Intelligence, Bloomsbury, London
