Shame is
We feel shame when
we have done something that is against our values. It is a feeling of
remorse, regret and having done wrong. We may wish to turn the clock back so we can do
things differently next time.
Shame can vary
from a temporary and mild remorse to deep and racking guilt that dogs us for
the rest of our lives.
Triggering shame
Shame is triggered
when we are reminded of what we have done and the rules we have
broken, and we realise that this is a bad thing.
We feel shame more
when we know that other people also know what we have done. If I walk
down the street and nobody knows, I may feel ok. But if all eyes are on me, my feelings of
shame will deepen.
The criminal legal
system of many countries aims to reform people by using shame (although
with limited success). Putting them in prison, however, tends not to work, as they rationalise
away their actions as a collusive effort with other prisoners. What does work better is when
they are confronted with what they have done - for example meeting with the victims they have
hurt.
So what?
Reminding people
of what they have done can cause them to feel shame. You can then offer
them a way to atone for their sins and get forgiveness from those they have wronged.
See also
Lazarus, R. and
Lazarus, B. (1994), Passion and Reason, Oxford University Press, New
York
